The Martha Machine

I can’t say I am a giant fan of Martha Stewart. Oh I know, she’s done great things to encourage craftiness, which I’m always in approval of, but as a presenter, she’s pretty lacking. Now that Australia has digital TV, in amongst the Corrie repeats we have the Martha Stewart Show, and I don’t get the fuss. I tried to get the fuss, and I can’t.

First of, uh, all she’s uh.. um not.. uh that eloquent with uh her presentation uh style. I know public speaking is a tricky deal, especially when you’re being internationally broadcast. I know also that “keeping it real” often means skipping the autocue, but seriously, if you can’t get through one sentence without an “uh” “um” or “ooh” then maybe you should be working from notes.

I can overlook that as a personal style, I really can. What I can’t get my head around is how wealthy she is, and how she reminds her audience of her wealth. “I had guests over for dinner, and it was a disaster. I had to send them out to look at the stables while I fixed it”. “Today we’re looking at peonies, which are a beautiful flower and so easy to grow – here’s one of my gardening team from my farm to explain” “This is my property in Maine, it’s about 600 acres…”. Okay we get it, you’re rolling in cash. I suppose if you’ve got it, then flaunt it, but it does get old really fast.

As for WHY she’s rolling in cash, I suggest you go look at the Martha Stewart Range in any craft supply shop. I can get glitter at my local discount store for a buck. OR I can buy the exact same glitter with “Martha Stewart” written on it – same size box, same quality glitter – for $4.95. I can get plain, flat fabric flowers for less than half the price of Marthas’ range. A burnisher – used for making crisp folds in paper is $14.95 from Martha. Christ on a cactus, no wonder she’s got gardening staff.

Finally, I take issue with her “crafting”. I totally agree that making hand made items should be accessible for anyone. Crafting should not be an elitist activity. Anyone should feel that making something is something they can do. However, when you’re the “crafting queen” and your idea of “making easter baskets” involves hot gluing premade birds to premade nests with premade eggs…

So there’s why I don’t watch the Martha show. Coz she shits me with her expensive supplies and her 47 farms and her gardening team. If anyone needs me, I’ll be up to my elbows in fabric, making stuff.