Let it go, guy. Let it go.

At what point does a gentleman wake in the morning and decide that the only course of action with his balding head is to create a combover? Combovers are the great male delusion. The idea that if you plaster four lines of hair over the top of your head, no one can possibly notice that you’re balding. The fact that the back of your head remains hairless, and sometimes the points of the combover don’t quite reach the other side are lost on the gentleman carefully brillcreaming his hair into place.

I had the mixed hilarity and misfortune to be talking to a chap I knew outside on a breezy day. As he discussed his career options, his combover lifted in the wind, dancing like a tamed snake on top of his head before giving in to the product used to hold it in place and falling back. I am proud to say I didn’t laugh until the chap in question was well out of ear shot, but laugh I did. Hard. To this day if I think back on it.

In my 10 years of customer service, I have seen some epic combovers. I’ve also seen combforwards and comb ups (where two sides of longish hair are pulled up to meet at the middle of the head). Interesting thing about these combovers is that they were all spottable as just that. Not a single one looked like a natural head of hair.

I am far more a fan of either clipping the whole lot short, or maintaining what’s left with a neat cut rather than a combover or baldmullet. I know I know, to a man his hair is his youth and vitality, but honestly, guys. Seriously. If the thought of combing it over crosses your mind for even a moment, please have a lie down until reason prevails. You’ll be much more handsome if you’re less funnylookin’.