Big Gal

I have a thing called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, generally termed PCOS because it’s that much faster to type. In general terms, it means I am fucked up in many ways, not the least of which is my variable weight.  The underlying cause of PCOS is insulin resistance, which means that the body doesn’t understand insulin so well, so the pancreas just keeps pumping it out. This gives me a classic insulin fat shape – upper back fat and belly fat. Aka – apple shaped.

One of the hardest decisions for me, and one I make several times a year, is the trade off that taking Metformin is. If i take the met, I will lose weight. I will also feel crap 99% of the time, and will be unable to cough without worrying I’ve.. um.. you know. So I take it a while and then the sideeffects piss me off, so I stop and feel fantastic for a time. Then I go back on it. It’s a cycle I can’t really seem to break. The desire to lose the excess weight is very strong, and the dread and hate of the met is also strong, so I tend to go around and around.

One of the problems with PCOS (and it has so many) is that it really is harder to lose weight. I know that sounds like an excuse, but it’s true. Weight goes on a lot more easiliy, and comes off with a lot more work.  So even in the event of dieting and all that any weight I lose is literally waiting around the corner for a chance to jump back on. However it’s really time to try to get off the met cycle once and for all. So here’s to probably maybe perhaps doing something a bit positive.

In the meantime, I am trying to accept myself more. Which, after 15 years of pretty intense self loathing, is a bit of a climb. But I might get there still, you never know.